Tonight's box office bomb is the b movie from 1973 Invasion of the Bee Girls. This movie doesn’t star Brian Bostwick, but a bevy of buxom beauties bound to bring BBuco box office bucks. In the beginning, a bruised blue body is .. you know what? I need to stop this alliteration BS before my brain blows up and I bitch slap the bozo who wrote this bull …. 

Silver Screen Cesspool is Written, Directed, and Starring: Allen SmithEe.

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Okay, so I did it to myself

So dead bodies are turning up. They’ve been murdered, and someone is responsible! The local sheriff isn’t looking into them too seriously, though, as he’s spending most of his time looking for a better antiperspirant. Why are pit stains always an awful thing in movies? 

So, a state department investigator begins to look into it. Before he gets too far, he finds out the latest victim was banging his secretary and his love interest for the next hour and a half. 

Then we cut to a pastoral grassy countryside with rolling hills when a naked dude pops up behind the hill.  Before I could even ask, “What da fuq?” a very naked woman on a dirty dirt bike rolls on up. They embrace and roll around the grass long enough to create a crop circle. And being bang, boom, buzz, and he's dead. 

Then, another dead body shows up. Then another. And another. Eventually, 8 bodies over 3 days. So they have to call a press conference to announce that all these men have died of sexual exhaustion. I believe the technical term for this is Death By Snu Snu. Also, based on the sex scenes later in this movie, men reach complete sexual exhaustion after 3 minutes tops. That kinda stings. As a warning to the straight men out there, if your woman makes a buzzing sound when she’s aroused, she’s gonna kill you bee woman style. Or she has a vibrator. One of the two. 

Then another guy is seen running away by the state dept guy, and instead of death by Snu Snu, he gets run over by a car in the most comical run-over by a car death I’ve ever seen. That sounded a lot better in my head. I mean, it’s so clearly a dummy, and that dummy gets folded under the car in a very comical fashion. But kudos to the guy in charge of continuity. Despite the comical position the dummy ends up in, they force the actor to be in the same comical position when they go in for the close-up. 

 Another dude dies, and Mr. State Department calls his bosses to have the town put under military quarantine, which neither adds nor subtracts to the advancement of the plot.

This is never even indirectly addressed in the movie, but the guy who wears yellow, dies next for some reason.  And they’re being killed by the bee girls who, also never addressed in the movie, can be easily identified by their 24/7 wearing of oversized round sunglasses that I guess are supposed to be in the shape of bee eyes. Apparently, the bee girls … actually, let me digress for a moment … most of this movie's essential plot points aren’t in the film. They are vaguely virtually implied, which is more than a little confusing. But as I was saying, apparently, the bee girls are killing men so that they can convert the grieving widows of the deceased into more bee girls. 

The process involves other bee girls, stripping them naked, pointing some sort of gigantic air cannon device at their crotch while hanging a sciencey-looking colander over their heads, covering every inch of them with something that looks like a cross between Elmer’s School glue and marshmallow fluff, then covering that with bees, and then pulling out their own breasts and massaging them in the least erotic way possible. That last point was far from a complaint, but given how much and how often the ladies whip them out in this movie, let's just say most porn has better excuses for senseless nudity than this movie.

Eventually, with the help of his love interest and Sheriff Sweaty, the state department guy figures out that bees have been crossbred with humans. Calling a girl honey actually works as a seduction technique for bees. The crossbreeding process has left them sterile, so the bee girls were stuck in a perpetual mating cycle. It was such an obvious and logical explanation that I don’t know how they missed it. 

The bee girls screw up by kidnapping the love interest, and the State Department dude comes and saves her naked ass. He fires his cap gun at an electrical panel, which explodes, sending a shower of sparks from the science colander. This kills all the bee girls because they were sort of in the vicinity of the sparks, and they weren’t able to pull their breasts out quickly enough to counteract the effects of sparks, but they sure tried. I kinda hope my dying thought is to whip out my nipple because that would be hilarious. 

Credits roll, and we’re treated to B-Roll footage of bees pollinating flowers set to, no joke, Ric Flair’s entrance music. I bet you thought my pro-wrestling reference in this movie review would be to Jumpin Jim Brunzel and B Brian Blair, the tag team known as the killer b’s. 

Invasion of the Bee Girls is available streaming on …  Wait!!! I get it now. They keep exposing their breasts because they’re boo-BEEES. 

Invasion of the Bee Girls is available streaming on Amazon Prime.