Tonight’s movie monstrosity is the 2011 film Monster Brawl. The title sounds promising, but trust me, it’s false hope. The plot is that of a 16-bit NES game. It basically boils down to the old WCW Halloween Havoc pay-per-view, except way too literal. 


Former WWF Pro-wrestler Kurrigan, if you remember him, plays Frankenstein’s monster, who is pitted against a witch, played by TNA wrestler Rosemary, a mummy played by AEW wrestler RJ City, a vampire, zombie, a cyclops, a werewolf (not a teenage were skunk), and a swamp monster to compete in a professional wrestling tournament for the right to help the Big Show dry hump Hulk Hogan (Trust me, that joke was hilarious if you watched WCW in 1995).

To add to both acting and wrestling credibility, the Mouth of the South Jimmy Hart is the ring announcer. Jimmy, to his credit, spends half the movie giving the most convincing acting performance in this film and the other half breaking the fourth wall, looking directly into the camera, yawning, and rolling his eyes.

It seems like they tried to add additional wrestling “Air quotes” credibility by having Foley call the match. Unfortunately, the casting director doesn't know the difference between Mick and Dave Foley, so we got Dave. Dave drinks constantly, and I don’t think it was acting. I think he's just dealing with being cast in this movie.

The ref, who is an actual MMA referee and honed his acting skills in the Kevin James movie Here Comes The Boom, gets interviewed before the first match and clearly explains that there are no rules. It's a fight to the death. So, of course, in the next scene and first match, he states it needs to be a clean fight, and soon after, he scolds “witch bitch” for a low blow which is against the rules, and then Cyclops beats her head in with a hammer, which isn't against the no rules. The witch kills the ref, and our second-best actor is out of the movie. The Cyclops can shoot laser beams out of its eye because someone has confused the mythical Cyclops with the Xmen’s Cyclops. The Mortal Kombat announcer lets us know when he does shoot laser beams out of his eye. Actually, every monster has a super-powered MK finishing move because why the hell not. 

The match with the werewolf, you know it's a thriller, thriller tonight. Matches occur in the broken Hardy compound, or maybe that cemetery AJ Styles wrestled the Undertaker in. Perhaps the cemetery from Plan 9 from Outer Space? All I know is that this is Kevin Sullivan’s wet dream.

Super Shredder himself, Kevin Nash, plays an army guy with the worst pit stains and hardest nipples ever caught on film. Also, on an unrelated note, the physical resemblance between the zombie and Ric Flair in his last match is uncanny.
My biggest confusion about the plot is how it can be a fight to the death between Frankenstien’s monster and a zombie or a vampire and a mummy. Arent they all already dead? If it’s a fight to the death, then isn’t the fight over before it begins?


As a rule, a movie’s quality drops by 20% for every professional wrestler in the cast. The obvious exceptions are Andre the Giant in "Princess Bride,"  Hulk Hogan in "Rocky III," and Governor Jessie 'The Body' Ventura in "Predator." But with this rule in mind, this movie has a 100% drop in quality from casting alone. 


Somehow, this tournament, with eight monsters, has only five-on-one matches. Which means in two matches, the winner didn't advance for reasons? I hate plot holes. Just ruined the whole movie for me.

There’s a sequel planned, with bouts between Count Chocula and BooBerry, Godzilla vs. King Kong Bundy, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon vs. the most horrifying monster of all, Majorre Taylor Greene.